Tough to justify having a blog named The Smarter Ass when you're such a dumbass that you can't put up more than one post in a month. Anyway, here's May:
I took the kids today to see the new Star Trek movie. Cloverfield notwithstanding, I'm a big JJ Abrams fan. Last time I checked, Rotten Tomatoes had a 95%+ rating for the movie, and I agree wholeheartedly. This movie was flat out excellent. Highly recommended.
A few flicks that I want to see:
Old School is a guilty pleasure, and this one looks solid for sure.
Tim Burton + Coheed and Cambira music + the voice of Crispin Glover. How can you go wrong?
I'm a sucker for Terminator movies. Even the third one. I'll look past the McG direction and just assume that Christian Bale isn't going to make a piece of shit movie.
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
5 Completely Random Things About My Life Right Now
1. We're heading out on a spring break vacation this Friday. We are going back to Cape San Blas in Florida. If there were anyone reading this, I would tell them that they have never heard of Cape San Blas. It's an hour east of Panama City, doesn't have t-shirt shops, and has great beaches. I'm looking forward to a week of nothingness.
2. I went to two movies last weekend. First, Linda and I saw I Love You Man and really enjoyed it. Solid performances by everyone involved, and definitely recommend it. It's completely predictable, and completely entertaining. Also, I took the kids to a 3-D Imax version of Monsters vs. Aliens. It was also entertaining. Dreamworks is a crappy version of Pixar, and this is a derivative version of every Pixar/Dreamworks animated movie, but it's still pretty cool. If you have kids, you should see it also.
3. TV: Lost is awesome. I don't know what the hell is going on, but it is awesome. Life on Mars is great, but tonight is the last episode, which sucks. How David Caruso still has a job and quality TV gets the boot, I'll never understand.
4. John Calipari is a scumbag. They may win big, but they will eventually regret this hire. I guarantee it.
5. I'm not an economist -- and I think I'm one of only seven people in the US who doesn't think they are one. I don't know how all this crap works, and I don't know how to fix it. Neither does anyone I know, but you wouldn't know from asking them. We're teetering on the edge of socialism if you ask them, which I didn't. This reminds me of the first gulf war, when everyone all of a sudden was an expert on SCUD missiles and the Revolutionary Guard, based solely on whatever information they had gleaned 15 minutes prior. The internet only makes things worse. Some people will do a lot better in life when they realize that not all opinions are equal. (He said, on his self-indulgent blog.)
2. I went to two movies last weekend. First, Linda and I saw I Love You Man and really enjoyed it. Solid performances by everyone involved, and definitely recommend it. It's completely predictable, and completely entertaining. Also, I took the kids to a 3-D Imax version of Monsters vs. Aliens. It was also entertaining. Dreamworks is a crappy version of Pixar, and this is a derivative version of every Pixar/Dreamworks animated movie, but it's still pretty cool. If you have kids, you should see it also.
3. TV: Lost is awesome. I don't know what the hell is going on, but it is awesome. Life on Mars is great, but tonight is the last episode, which sucks. How David Caruso still has a job and quality TV gets the boot, I'll never understand.
4. John Calipari is a scumbag. They may win big, but they will eventually regret this hire. I guarantee it.
5. I'm not an economist -- and I think I'm one of only seven people in the US who doesn't think they are one. I don't know how all this crap works, and I don't know how to fix it. Neither does anyone I know, but you wouldn't know from asking them. We're teetering on the edge of socialism if you ask them, which I didn't. This reminds me of the first gulf war, when everyone all of a sudden was an expert on SCUD missiles and the Revolutionary Guard, based solely on whatever information they had gleaned 15 minutes prior. The internet only makes things worse. Some people will do a lot better in life when they realize that not all opinions are equal. (He said, on his self-indulgent blog.)
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Jokin' Phoenix?
Letterman last night...
I'm not sure if it's an act or if he's really that kooky. Anyway, pretty entertaining.
I'm not sure if it's an act or if he's really that kooky. Anyway, pretty entertaining.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
The Puppy Chronicles
I used to have a great Golden Retriever named Jager, but the old girl died a few years back, and we've been looking to get back in the saddle again for a while. We had a few non-starters along the way.
First, Linda saw a sign at our son's daycare for a cute dog needing adoption because the daughter of the family had developed an allergy to the dog. Soon after, we had Sammie at our home. Sammie's owner had a tough time getting rid of her, although in hindsight, that was probably more like some longing you might feel for a boil on your face that had finally disappeared.
Sammie was an awful dog.
When you adopt a five-year-old dog, you get the previous history, and we knew that. What we didn't know then -- and we came to find out -- was that Sammie was on dog Prozac at an early age, had an uncontrollable barking issue, and really loved to pee on freshly made beds and freshly washed laundry. Since then, we've learned about Cesar the Dog Whisperer, but we've always joked that he'd have a tough match-up with Sammie.
Last year, we found a new home for Sammie. By "new home" I really do mean "new home" and not some warped point/counterpoint that consists of "we found a great home for the dog" versus "yeah right, you took me three blocks away to the shelter and left me for dead." Some alternative medicine/hippy lady -- with full knowledge of our issues with Sammie -- adopted the dog, and we were done with her.
Later, while I was in California, Linda found another adoptable dog. He was maybe nine months old, and a half Labrador/half Pit Bull. But he was very sweet, and very kind for our family. Very kind for our family right up until the point that he latched his jaws onto my four-year-old son's arm and drew blood. So "Jake" had to go back to where he came from, and we were without a dog again.
So, two Saturdays ago, I was out with my son Nick and we found a new dog. He's a puppy -- 10 weeks old and 20 something pounds already. When we were told he was half Labrador and half Great Dane, I was sold -- I've been looking for a big dog for a while.
I think and hope we might have found the right one.
First, Linda saw a sign at our son's daycare for a cute dog needing adoption because the daughter of the family had developed an allergy to the dog. Soon after, we had Sammie at our home. Sammie's owner had a tough time getting rid of her, although in hindsight, that was probably more like some longing you might feel for a boil on your face that had finally disappeared.
Sammie was an awful dog.
When you adopt a five-year-old dog, you get the previous history, and we knew that. What we didn't know then -- and we came to find out -- was that Sammie was on dog Prozac at an early age, had an uncontrollable barking issue, and really loved to pee on freshly made beds and freshly washed laundry. Since then, we've learned about Cesar the Dog Whisperer, but we've always joked that he'd have a tough match-up with Sammie.
Last year, we found a new home for Sammie. By "new home" I really do mean "new home" and not some warped point/counterpoint that consists of "we found a great home for the dog" versus "yeah right, you took me three blocks away to the shelter and left me for dead." Some alternative medicine/hippy lady -- with full knowledge of our issues with Sammie -- adopted the dog, and we were done with her.
Later, while I was in California, Linda found another adoptable dog. He was maybe nine months old, and a half Labrador/half Pit Bull. But he was very sweet, and very kind for our family. Very kind for our family right up until the point that he latched his jaws onto my four-year-old son's arm and drew blood. So "Jake" had to go back to where he came from, and we were without a dog again.
So, two Saturdays ago, I was out with my son Nick and we found a new dog. He's a puppy -- 10 weeks old and 20 something pounds already. When we were told he was half Labrador and half Great Dane, I was sold -- I've been looking for a big dog for a while.
I think and hope we might have found the right one.
Zeke Caesar Wanninger, who my first grade son wanted to name "Joe Bitin'" or "Bark Obama"
It's been a little challenging. Like many adopted dogs, he came with a few medical conditions -- mainly a case of kennel cough that had progressed to full-blown pneumonia. He even spent two nights in the dog hospital to get fluids and antibiotics.
Time will tell, but it was time. We didn't want our kids to grow up thinking that Jake and Sammie were the experience that people have with dogs.
Monday, February 09, 2009
9 Things I Know About The Grammys
1. I’m old.
2. There’s no easy to way say it. If that show-starter is what U2 is bringing to the table, maybe it’s best they stay on vacation a while longer. Just awful. Plus, Bono was wearing so much guyliner, I thought he was Bam Margera.
3. I’m fairly certain that the producer of the show used to produce candy commercials, because there were a whole lot of “you got peanut butter in my chocolate” mash-up performances. Some were good, and some were awful. I guess I would put the Jonas Brothers yelling at Stevie Wonder to "come on Stevie!" in the latter category.
2. There’s no easy to way say it. If that show-starter is what U2 is bringing to the table, maybe it’s best they stay on vacation a while longer. Just awful. Plus, Bono was wearing so much guyliner, I thought he was Bam Margera.
3. I’m fairly certain that the producer of the show used to produce candy commercials, because there were a whole lot of “you got peanut butter in my chocolate” mash-up performances. Some were good, and some were awful. I guess I would put the Jonas Brothers yelling at Stevie Wonder to "come on Stevie!" in the latter category.
"You got your white bread in my chocolate!"
4. Rap music really likes to parody itself, huh? When they call it a “summit,” are they using it in the context of “the highest level of attainment possible” or “a meeting of government officials?” Either way, not sure about that. I assume Lil Wayne (does he use “Little” for official documents?) wore the scarf just in case he had to mop up any of M.I.A.’s leaking amniotic fluid. And, yes Kanye, we get it – you’re on the edge of fashion. But, an afro mullet?
Reykjavik in 1986, eat your heart out. This is a real summit.
5. I think we went 45 minutes at the beginning of the show with only one award presented. That’s an award show I like. Less speeches, more Dwayne Johnson failed stand-up routine.
6. Miley, meet my friend Mendel and his fruit flies. When the cocaine, public nudity and mugshot years come – and they will – keep in mind that you never really had a genetic chance. Your dad is Billy Ray Cyrus. Just keep picturing yourself hugging Robin Williams and him saying "it's not your fault" over and over.
7. Mickey Rourke owes Robert Plant a bottle of wine for taking the “holy crap he looks bad” mantle away from Rourke.
8, When Paul sings “well, she was just 17, you know what I mean,” isn't it a little creepy? Is it possible he’s talking about his next wife?
9. At what point do they stop calling it the “Record” of the Year? Do they even make records anymore? Of course, this year Robert Plant won it and last year Herbie Hancock won it, so if you’re going to be anachronistic, you might as well do it all the way.
25 Stupid Things About Me
Everyone I know on Facebook (which is basically the wives of all my friends) has done one of these "25 Things About Me" postings. Here's what I put on Facebook last week:
1. I’m fairly certain I’m the first male to fill out this list of 25 things.
2. I have a great family -- great kids. I’m a very lucky guy.
3. I still have 20/15 vision, but that really only helps me see more clearly the horserace on my scalp between “hair that’s turning white” and “hair that’s ready to fall out.”
4. As a joke, I once sent in a few postcards to www.postsecret.com, and now one of my submissions is in a book and is prominently featured in a fairly well-known music video.
5. I hate it when people misuse the word myriad. They think it is making them seem smart, but they end up sounding like rubes. Along those lines, I hate it when people use the word “since” as a replacement for “because.”
6. When my wife found out she was pregnant, I have friends who were worried because I could barely take care of myself. I think I’ve redeemed myself pretty well.
7. From around the time I was 17 until sometime in my 20s, I had only one dream at night. I was 12 years old, getting ready to move from Lawrence, Kansas to somewhere else, and my across the street best friend Flint Steeples was angry I was moving out of town. So I killed him and buried him under a minibarn in our neighbor’s yard. I used to wake up every single night with the worst feeling of guilt like I had repressed it and it really did happen. This was before Al Gore invented the internet, so I had no way of proving otherwise. Truth be told, sometimes I still Google “Flint Steeples” to make sure I didn’t really kill that bastard.
8. Someday my oldest son will do the math and figure out that, while it was close, he was not conceived on his parents’ honeymoon as he had been led to believe.
9. I’ve resolved that I’m never going to be “that dad” who can’t figure out electronics or hates new music only because it is new. My friend Larry is already “that dad.”
10. That said, I don’t get the X-Games. The winter edition or the summer edition.
11. I really, really, really, really don’t like musicals.
12. At some point, I will stop getting the occasional massive zit on my face. Right?
13. I’m fascinated by the psychology of people who don’t have their photos on their Facebook profiles, but rather photos of their children. Yes, I’m one of those people.
14. I am way too competitive. I hate losing anything -- even losing in Wii Bowling to my kids.
15. Every time I walk past an old-school paper cutter, I put my hands in my pockets because I’m absolutely, positively convinced I’ll walk over to it, lift the blade, and cut off my own fingers on purpose.
16. I have very strong political beliefs, but I’m willing to strongly argue the exact opposite of what I think to make sure you really believe whatever you say you do.
17. If I had to choose between watching Sam Waterson “Law and Order” episodes or John Lithgow “Third Rock from the Sun” episodes, I’d poke my eyes out with a fork instead.
18. I’ve been to every state except Maine and New Hampshire. But my international travel has been pathetic.
19. I’m 100% certain that you couldn’t tell me a joke that would offend me.
20. If I had my way, I’d come home tomorrow with a golden retriever puppy and a yellow lab puppy and we’d raise them as brothers like we were Brad and Angie.
21. I can’t sing at all. AT ALL. And my wife is just as bad. My poor kids are going to be just like the Osmonds. Only the exact opposite. And not religious.
22. I get tired of hearing that “there are no role models for (fill in the blank) kids.” Try finding a red-headed role model. David Caruso? Ron Howard before he lost it? Thomas Jefferson?
23. Shawshank Redemption sucks me in way too often, especially now that we have HD. Same with Braveheart, the Bourne movies, and The Notebook.
24. My ankles have been sprained so many times that now they just heal themselves quickly like the cheerleader on Heroes.
25. I miss J.J. Jackson, Alan Hunter, Mark Goodman, Martha Quinn, and Nina Blackwood.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
